


Sunshine

by jeepsarmitage



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-04 11:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3066122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeepsarmitage/pseuds/jeepsarmitage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura is her wife. </p><p>And she’d be dammed if she let anyone forget it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

Hinges creaked on the old window as the smallest gust of wind caused the curtains to dance. It was enough, though, and eyelids fluttered open sleepily. A lazy smile appeared on her face as she slowly came into consciousness and Carmila rolled over to snake an arm around the still sleeping Laura. 

Carmilla was content just laying there, gazing over the sleeping features of the blonde. It wasn’t unusual for her to wake up before Laura; the girl could sleep through anything. Had slept through everything. The number of times Carmilla had needed to physically carry the girl out of Silas during a drill was ridiculous and she made it very known that she was not impressed with the girl’s sleeping habits. 

The small smile that usually accompanied these rants was not spoken about. Ever. (it took away from her whole heroic vampire facade that she had come to accept.)

She didn’t complain any more, though, instead choosing to savour these few moments in the mornings when Laura was still fast asleep and Carmilla could just enjoy looking at her girlfriend without any commentary. Not that the commentary generally stopped her, but the snickers from the Ginger Squad usually pulled her out of the romantic mood pretty quick. 

It didn’t help that Laura always made her play nice in return. 

Stupid Vampire Feelings. 

“Stop staring.”

Laura didn’t open her eyes, but the smile plastered across her face was enough to turn the frown that had made it’s way onto her face into a smile. She lent down and captured Laura’s lips for a moment, enjoying both the kiss and the way Laura laughed into it. 

She wasn’t expecting Laura to flip them over, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy it. 

“I like staring.”

“You’re a creep.”

“Says you, looking at my ass every chance you get.”

It’s true, but Laura still pouts and then frowns and then playfully slaps Carmilla’s hand away to which she gets a pillow in her face. When she pulls it away, all she can see is Carmilla disappearing down the hallway. 

+++

To say they had settled into domestic life would be an understatement. With Silas behind them, and Carmilla’s mother trapped for all eternity, their lives had fallen into simple domesticity that both of them enjoyed. There’s just something inherently good about waking up to each other that made life so much better. 

(Carmilla could admit that she liked playing house with Laura. She could also admit that she would prefer it if the Ginger Squad learnt how to knock.)

(This was something Laura could agree with, but LaF, Perry and Danny never seemed to catch on and Laura was too nice to say anything to their faces.)

+++

When Carmilla asked Laura to marry her, she feared for a moment that Laura was going to say no. 

The look of fear on the smaller woman’s face scared Carmilla more than she’d like to admit. But when Laura fell off of the park bench that she was sitting on and crash-tackled Carmilla to the ground, the vampire quickly came to realise that Laura just wasn’t good with surprises. 

Like, really not good with surprises. 

So not good with surprises that Carmilla quickly realised that the crash tackle wasn’t actually a crash tackle but rather Laura fainting, Carmilla panicked and called LaF who laughed at her. 

“Is she breathing?”

“I think so. How do I know if she’s breathing? What’s breathing like again?”

“Is her chest moving up and down?”

Carmilla dropped the phone and put a hand on Laura’s chest. Nodding to herself, she noted the small up and down movement before saying as much to LaFontaine. 

“You have nothing to worry about. She just fainted.” LaF laughed again before adding, “what did you do?”

“I asked her to marry me.”

 

Later, when Laura woke up with her head on Carmilla’s lap, she sheepishly sat up and mumbled incoherent words under her breath. 

“What was that, cupcake?”

“I forgot how to breathe.”

Carmilla had never laughed so hard in her life. 

(Laura said yes, though.)


	2. Part Two

Six months before the wedding, the whole gang get invited over for a dinner party. 

It isn’t really a party, persay, but rather everyone getting frustrated over a game of Cluedo. Well, mostly Carmilla who plays on Laura’s team because she doesn’t understand how people find joy in deciphering a fake person’s death.

(A candlestick? Really? Who thinks up these things?)  ( Why would you kill someone in the library? How cliche.)  (What sort of a name is Mustard anyway?)  
It doesn’t matter though because Laura has fun and everyone else is amused - albeit, quietly - by the way Carmilla seems to get closer and closer to Laura as the night goes on. How often she reaches out to touch Laura, or kisses her on the head, or just how goofy she looks when Laura gets excited about something. 

She’s in love, and it shows. 

Everybody notices, but nobody says anything. 

+++

One month until the wedding and Carmilla is surprised she hasn’t begun to freak out. 

Maybe it’s because she knows that she loves Laura and that Laura loves her. Because she understands that Laura will never leave her and that Laura is the one she wants to be with forever. Or, for however long it is that Laura will live. 

They haven’t spoken about the whole “immortal vampire” situation Carmilla has happening. Maybe they should, Carmilla thinks as she watches Laura dance around the kitchen. It’s probably something they should talk about. Especially since they’re getting married in a month. 

She loses her train of thought as Laura looks up and smiles brightly, gesturing for Carmilla to join her in the kitchen. 

Maybe they should talk about it. 

But not right now. 

 

+++

On the day of the wedding, Laura’s dad walks her down the isle. 

To say he is proud would be an understatement; the happiness he has for his daughter finding love is absolutely eternal. He had his reservations about Laura pledging her life to a vampire at first, but even he could see that Carmilla Karnstein was nothing but in love with his Laura. That she would stop at nothing to ensure that Laura would be safe at all times, and that should anyone try to bring harm to Laura, Carmilla Karnstein would not stand for it and defend Laura until that threat existed no more. 

Laura was in safe hands with Carmilla, Mr. Hollis knew, and after extensive research on the matter of vampires (his book club recommended some fantastic reading material about the eternal love of vampires, bless them), Mr. Hollis had no lingering reservations about welcoming a vampire into the family.)

So as he gave his baby girl away to the woman who would spend eternity looking after her, the pride was absolutely radiating off of him, and he had to bite his lip to stop the tears escaping. It was a beautiful moment, and Laura looked breathtaking and the way Carmilla looked at his precious child made him so proud to have raised such a wonderful daughter. 

And as he stepped back and watched the two women speak their vows and accept each other the rest of their lives, he couldn’t help but look up and think that Laura’s mother would have been just as proud as he is of the woman their Laura had become. 

(he was certain that if he had not taken his nerve-calming medication as a precautionary measure he would have most definitely fainted and ruined the entire ceremony.)


	3. Part Three

Their honeymoon is short and sweet. 

Laura decides on the destination, since Carmilla doesn’t mind. She's been pretty much everywhere anyway, and so as long as she can see the wonder and joy in her wife she doesn’t mind the location. 

Her wife. 

It makes her giddy every time she remembers that. Laura isn’t her roommate, friend, girlfriend or her fiancé anymore. Laura is her wife. 

And she’d be dammed if she let anyone forget it. 

They go to America - somewhere Carmilla hasn’t been since the 1950’s. It’s changed a great deal in that time, but so has she. She doesn’t mind though, the changes that have happened, because seeing Laura so goddamn happy about getting a photo with Mickey Mouse is enough to make her realise that sometimes these changes are for the better. 

(She stands smiling next to the giant mouse and tries her best to take the look of fear off of her face.)

They spend three weeks in America, and then they return home and everything goes back to normal. 

Except that they are married, and every time either one remembers that it sends them into a fit of giggles. Not that they mind, because the giggles turn into kisses which, more often than not, turn into other things. 

Those things happen more often too

(it’s like they’re in college again, really)

(not that they’re complaining) 

+++

Six months after they return Perry starts asking about when they will add to their family. 

It sends Carmilla into an anxiety attack and Laura has to lay on the floor with her for twenty minutes before Carmilla calms down. It takes an extra thirty minutes to remind Perry that Carmilla is a vampire and she can’t have biological children. 

(Perry chooses not to point out that Laura is very much human and still have a perfectly functional uterus)

It starts Laura thinking, though, and suddenly she finds her self staring at parents with strollers and children running at the park. Her eyes linger just a little too long when they pass the baby section at the mall and she hovers on the toy pages in catalogues. 

None of this escapes Carmilla’s attention. She notices Laura’s longing looks and realises it before her wife does that Laura wants kids. 

She’s not sure if she wants them though. 

No. It’s not that she doesn’t want them, it’s that she is afraid they wont like her. That she will be a terrible parent. 

It enough to force her into silence, and she starts walking just a little bit faster whenever she see’s Laura hesitating around the baby clothes section at Target. 

+++

Laura brings it up over breakfast. 

She doesn’t do it elegantly - but when does Laura do anything elegantly? 

It’s more of a sentence spat out over morning coffee. Where words are run into each other and Carmilla has to sit in silence for a few minutes trying to decipher what the hell Laura had just said. And when her brain does piece together Laura’s eager wish for children, she gently places her coffee mug back on the kitchen bench and stares at Laura. 

Laura with her big eyes so full of excitement. 

Laura who is bouncing ever so slightly on the balls of her feet. 

Laura who Carmilla loves with everything that she is. 

“Okay,” she gives in, “okay.”

And then Laura is wrapped around her, kissing her everywhere and dragging her towards the bedroom, whispering “I love you” between each kiss.


	4. Part Four

The first time they visit the clinic, Carmilla holds onto Laura’s hand so tightly Laura loses circulation. 

 

Doctors run tests of Laura and start her on hormones. Carmilla watches every action with narrowed eyes and Laura has to stop herself from laughing at the way nurses avoid eye contact with her. 

 

“Calm down,” she whispers, “everything will be fine.”

 

The second time they visit the clinic, they leave with tears in their eyes. 

 

“It’s okay,” Carmilla whispers, rubbing Laura’s back as the blonde hugs a pillow. “we can adopt.”

 

“I know.” Laura replies, “but it’s not the same.”

 

Carmilla knows it’s not the same, but it’s something at least. 

 

+++

 

 

The process of adoption is something of a horror that Carmilla endures purely with the mantra that _this will make Laura happy_ running on repeat through her brain. 

 

The endless stacks of paperwork that she files through is enough to make her consider talking Laura out of the whole ordeal. She knows that, should she put the ultimatum to Laura, the blonde would choose her. But she also knows that she could never bring herself to do that to Laura. The look of hope Laura gives her as they send off the paperwork and greet social workers at their door fills Carmilla with a kind of love she didn’t think was possible. 

 

So she endures the whole thing for Laura. Like everything else she has done since she entered that dorm room all those years ago. 

 

+++

 

They get the phone call on a Saturday morning, and Carmilla can honestly say she has never seen her wife so happy. 

 

+++

 

Harper is eight months old and they get to pick him up in three weeks. 

 

The gang goes into hyperdrive when they tell them the news. 

 

+++

 

Two weeks before they pick him up,  Perry immediately sets about baby-proofing the entire house. And everyone else’s houses. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times LaF or Laura or anyone else tells her she is being ridiculous, Perry doesn’t appear to listen. Or she simply doesn’t care. 

 

“This child is going to come into _our_ lives, and with the amount of supernatural nonsense that happens the least we can do is protect it from _normal_ things.”

 

Nobody can argue with that, and so Perry is left to her own devices. 

 

+++

 

One week before they pick him up, LaF begins stocking up on baby books specifically about evolution. 

 

“You aren’t filling my child’s head with that!” Carmilla explodes when she finds out, “Harper is going to grow up with a vampire as a mother. At least allow him the grace of having a relatively happy childhood without having to worry about whether or not he is descendant of a monkey!”

 

(LaF stil buys them anyway and stores them at Kirsch’s place). 

 

+++

 

The day before they are scheduled to pick up Harper, Carmilla takes the afternoon off. 

 

Laura had taken the day off, wanting to fully prepare herself for bringing a child into their home. She didn’t tell Carmilla, but Carmilla still knew, and so rescheduled all her meetings and stopped off at the florets to pick up a bouquet for her wife. 

 

(sometimes she does that romantic shit. So what?)

 

The house is quiet when she rolls up, but Laura’s car is parked in the driveway and the windows are open so she knows her wife is home. She smiles to herself, thinking that this is the last time she will come home to a house with _just_ Laura. Next time, it would be Laura and Harper. 

 

Somehow, she doesn't mind the sound of that. 

 

The door is unlocked, so she walks in, calling out to her wife and laughing at how disgustingly in love she is.  Laura doesn’t reply, and Carmilla briefly thinks that she must be asleep. 

 

Turning into the lounge room, she stops suddenly and lets the flowers drop to the fall. Crumbing to her knees the lets out a small sob whilst holding her wife’s hand. 

 

“Laura!”


	5. Part Five

Laura turns her head and looks at Carmilla. Her eyes don’t focus, but she knows it’s her wife. The cold hand in her own is so familiar now that Laura thinks she would be able to tell Carmilla’s hand from a thousand others. 

 

The pain in her head is excruciating, and a stray tear makes it’s way down her cheek. 

 

“Make it stop.”

 

“I’m here. I’m here.”

 

Carmilal scoops Laura up and holds her wife in her lap. She rocks them backwards and forwards, humming softly and fumbling for her phone. She grasps it and then calls LaF, praying to whoever would listen that Ginger 1 would answer the phone. 

 

“hello?”

 

“Pain in the head. Light sensitivity. What does it mean?”

 

“Could be a lot of things….why?”

 

“LAURA’S NOT OKAY AND I NEED YOU TO TELL ME SHE WILL BE OKAY.”

 

Carmilla is crying now, gripping at the small frame in her arms and she tries with everything that she has to remain strong. LaF’s voice is serious when she replies though, and it doesn’t do anything to calm Carmilla down. 

 

“I’m coming over.”

 

+++

 

LaF is there in approximately ten minutes, and it’s enough time to tell Carmilla that something is seriously wrong with Laura. 

 

“She can’t swallow.”

 

LaF is looking at Laura, who is now huddled on the couch with her eyes shut. They shake their head and looks at Perry. 

 

“Call an ambulance. NOW”

 

+++

 

“Carmilla?”

 

“I’m here.”

 

The vampire climbs onto the couch, wrapping Laura in her arms again. They’re both crying, and Carmilla shakily wipes the tears from Laura’s cheeks. 

 

“You need to stay with me, Laura.” She chokes out, running her thumb up and down the fabric of Laura’s shirt. “You need to stay with me. We have so much to do.”

 

Laura smiles, opening her eyes slightly to look at her wife above her.  With a shaky hand she reaces up and cups Carmilla’s face. Carmilla leans into the touch, turning her head slightly to kiss Laura’s palm. 

 

“Lots to do, Carm.”

 

“We get Harper tomorrow.” Carmilla laughs, shaking her head. “The little bugger is going to change things so much. But I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.”

 

Laura smiles as her eyes flutter closed again. Carmilla pulls Laura closer to her again, rocking gently on the couch as she sniffles. 

 

“You’ve changed me cupcake. So much. From the minute I stepped into that room and you turned around in your chair you changed me. I should have known you’d do that. I should have known I’d fall hopelessly in love with you.”

 

The chuckle that Laura lets out is reassuring, and so Carmilla keeps talking.

 

“You’re everything to me, Laura. Everything. I can’t lose you. I can’t do this without you. Please don’t make me do this without you.”

 

Laura breathes in again, shaking slightly, and Carmilla looks at her, pushing the hair back from her face. Noting the age lines that she hadn’t noticed before. Not knowing what else to do, she began rocking backwards and forwards again, singing.

 

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_

_You make me happy when skies are grey_

 

LaFontaine steps into the room. The ambulance was two blocks away and they could hear the sirens, but they didn’t want to interrupt the moment. It was intimate and personal and Carmilla was in such a fragile state, LaF didn’t want to provoke her. If they had learnt anything during the last decade of friendship with Carmilla, it was that the vampire didn’t let her guard down regularly. 

 

So LaFontaine watched as Carmilla rocked on the couch, singing softly to Laura in her arms. 

 

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you_

_Please don't take my sunshine away_

 

Carmilla could hear the sirens, but she knew that they weren’t going to be able to do anything. She knew it, the moment she had started singing. The moment Laura’s eyes fluttered shut and the muscles in her face relaxed.

 

She knew the exact moment her Laura was gone.

 

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you_

 

As the paramedics rushed in, followed by Perry, Carmilla looked up and shook her head. 

 

_Please don't take my sunshine away_

 

+++

 

She picked up Harper the next day. The lady at the office gave her a sympathetic look that Carmilla pretended not to see. 

 

Instead, she signed the papers, hovering over the line where Laura was supposed to sign and fighting back the tears that threatened to escape. 

 

_“You don’t have to do this, Carmilla.” LaFontaine had said when she was walking out the door, “nobody will blame you for not wanting to do this._

 

_“Why wouldn’t I do this?” Carmilla had spat back with more venom than she intended. “Laura and I agreed to do this and to hell if I am going to back out now.”_

 

So she went. She picked up Harper and brought the little bugger back to the too-silent house. She watched as he rolled around on the carpet and smiled as he looked at her with eyes so innocent and full of love Carmilla couldn’t help but pick him up and hug him again. 

 

And as she put him to sleep that night, she took a photo and sent it to Mr. Hollis. 

 

“Harper Karnstein-Hollis” she captioned it, “congratulations grandpa.”

 

Because she couldn’t protect Laura, but god damn it if she won't protect their child. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was supposed to be the last chapter but I thought up a possible epilogue idea so let me know if you want that
> 
> also you can follow me on tumblr montivagancy.tumblr.com if you want idk
> 
> okay
> 
> thanks for reading! and commenting!


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the epilogue you guys wanted :)

You wake up earlier than normal, which is saying something considering you are naturally an early riser. You mama hates it, you know because as you got older she started showing her sarcastic side more and rolling her eyes when she would walk into the kitchen and find that you were showered, dressed and cooking breakfast. 

 

Today though, you get up earlier and make sure to be extra quiet as you go about your morning routine. You don’t shave today, mostly because you wanted to remind your mama that you’re ** _here_** and you're **_alive_** and that you aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. Partly because you’re too lazy. 

 

When you’ve plated the food you warm up a mug of blood for your mama and place it on the tray next to your orange juice. Juggling the load you walk slowly up the stairs, cursing under your breath as you nearly fall backwards. Balance definitely isn’t your strong suit, and more times than you like to admit, mama or aunt perry or LaF have laughed at you and told you that you’re exactly like your mum, even though you know you’re adopted. It makes you happy though, even though you never got to meet your other mum, because when your family says things like that you feel like you’ve got a connection to her. Like you know her, even though you never physically did. 

 

Your mama is still asleep, which doesn’t surprise you in the slightest, and you laugh when you see her sprawled over the bed with her head under the pillow. Her hair is all over the place and she’s still in her clothes from yesterday. You shake her head. Mama is ridiculous, and even though she tries to play the “badass” parent, you know that she is as goofy as you are (and you often remind her of the time when you were seven and obsessed with science fiction and she made the both of you tin foil hats and let you ride around on her back with a light sabre. She denies it when anyone else is in the room, but you’ve shown your friends the pictures that LaF took when mama didn’t know they were watching and now they think that your family is the absolute coolest family ever). 

 

Placing the tray down on the floor next to the bed you take a deep breath and then jump on. 

 

“WAKE UP! WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!”

 

“Jesus Christ and Merlin, Harper. What the fuck?”

 

You laugh and roll off of your mama, pulling the blankets over your body and getting comfortable. Your mama rolls her eyes but shifts slightly, making room for you in the bed. The two of you sit there, and after a few moments you roll over and cuddle up to her. She wraps and arm around you and suddenly you’re five again, scared of the dark and finding solace (rather ironically now that you think about it) in your mama’s arms. 

 

“Not that I don’t appreciate your hugs, Harper,” your mama drawls, “but why in craps name did you wake me up at this hour?”

 

You laugh and roll over again, squishing your mama as you lean off of the bed and pick up the tray from the floor. 

 

“I made you breakfast!”

 

She rolls her eyes, but smiles all the same and immediately picks up the mug of blood. She taught you a few years ago how to heat it up properly, and you spent hours practicing at Perry and LaF’s house with some blood LaF took from their lab at the hospital. You ruined a good number of blood bags but eventually you got it right. Now your mama lets you warm hers up when you make coffee in the morning and while she makes remarks that it’s “slightly hot” you know she’s joking because she would never drink it if she didn’t think it was right. 

 

“You’re such a dork.”

 

“Thanks to you.”

“Whatever.”

 

You let her eat, occasionally stealing some toast from the plate in-between stories about your football teammates and general school activities. She listens attentively, and occasionally comments but mostly she just listens. Your mama is good at that, just listening. Sometimes your friends come over just to talk to your mama because she’s such a good listener and they just need someone to talk to. You know she finds it funny, considering she’s an “ex serial killer with a dodgy track record that in any other world wouldn’t be allowed within three feet of children” but she listens to them and helps them when she can. 

 

You’ve always been close with your mama, and you know you’re really lucky for it. 

 

“…and graduation is in like, two weeks and Gramps said he would be there. Danny and Kirsch said they would too and Perry and LaF said they will try and get the day off work so I need to make a request for extra seats to be reserved.”

 

Your mama nods, drinking the last of her blood and putting the tray back on the floor.

 

“That starts and nine right?”

 

You nod.

 

“Sweet. Gramps will come here and I’ll take him so we’ll probably be about two hours early. Don’t be worried if you wake up and find us gone.” she shakes her head and you laugh because that’s something Gramps would totally do. “He’s as ridiculous as you. You get it from him.”

 

“I get it from you too!”

 

“Impossible.”

 

* * *

 

You’re sitting nervously on the stage, knees jumping as you wait for the principal to stop talking. When he finally does you rise and make your way nervously to the podium. Everyone is staring at you; the audience, the teachers in the wings and your classmates behind you. You feel like you might throw up, but you find your mama’s face smiling at you from the audience and suddenly you feel okay. 

 

Swallowing, you begin your speech.

 

“There were so many things I thought about saying when I was writing this speech. Most of them were along the lines of “yay we did it!” but I thought that would be boring.”

 

Small laughter comes from the audience and you relax more, smiling before continuing. 

 

“So I wanted to talk about something different. Something that, at the beginning might seem a little silly, but I really think that we need to think about it.” You pause and look up, finding your families confused expression in the crowd. “I want to talk about my mother. No the one in the audience today, although I will talk about her too, but the one I never met. I want to talk about my mum.”

 

You swallow hard, looking down at the speech you had written and rewritten so many times over the last few weeks and the words blur together on the page. 

 

“My mum was brave. She was selfless. She saved so many people in so many ways and even though she died before I could meet her, not once have I ever felt unloved by her. She’s always had a presence in my life. My family would tell me stories about her, about the things she had done. Some of them were silly. Some of them were sad. Some of them were funny. All of them taught me something and I carry all of them in my heart every day.”

 

Your mama is looking at you with tears in her eyes. Perry and LaF are sitting with their hands clasped together and it looks like Perry is trying to pretend she’s not crying even though she is. Danny is smiling at you sadly and Kirsch is sitting up straight, his chest puffed out like he does when he thinks he needs to “man up”. You smile to yourself. 

 

“My mum loved me. She hadn’t met me but she loved me, and I know that because she loved everyone in her life so much. She loved my mama when mama didn’t think that anyone could love her. She loved my family - her chosen family - despite the fact that they were all so crazy and different they really shouldn’t have worked as friends but they did. My mum loved with all her heart and I have no doubt that, if I had gotten the chance to meet her, she would have been everything that I have dreamed of and more.

 

“My mama raised me, but she didn’t do it alone because my mum was always there. I could feel her, in everything that my mama and I did when I was growing up. My mum was there; in my mama’s heart and in mine. Even though she died, she never left.”

 

You look up once again and find your mama’s face in the crowd. She’s openly crying now, and Perry is holding her hand. Mama is smiling though, and her eyes are so full of love you can’t help but grin back at her. 

 

“My mum is my hero, because every day I think about what she would do in my circumstances. Would she be proud of me? Would she do this? And I know from my Gramps’ stories that if I answer yes to the second question I maybe shouldn’t do the thing, it makes me happy to know that even though I never met her, I still know her. I still know my mum and she has helped me become the person I am today.”

 

You take a deep breath, and turn to face your classmates. 

 

“So today, as we gather here one last time, I ask each and everyone of you to think about who has helped you get to this point. Who has helped make you the person you are. Think about them and thank them because none of us would be here without some help. And when you step through those doors and out into the world, keep thinking about them. Keep thinking about them and thanking them and letting them know you appreciate them, because all too soon they could be gone. Maybe not entirely, but they could, and you need to let them know how much you appreciate them while they are here.  

 

You turn back to the front and smile. There are so many other people you need to thank: Gramps, your Aunt Perry, LaF and Danny and Kirsch. Your friends and teachers, your football coach and teammates. So many people have helped you on this journey. So many people have helped make you the man you are now, but for know you look up at the bright sky and smile because today is a day between you and your mum and you know that everyone else understands. 

 

“Congratulations guys, we did it.”

 

* * *

 

There is no escaping the hug Perry and LaF have you sandwiched in, and all you can do is hug back and make a few noises indicating the lack of oxygen you are receiving. When Perry does let go she holds you at arms length and sighs, shaking her head as she exclaims how “grown up you are” and “have you been eating enough? You’re far too thin!”

 

“Yes Perry, I’ve been eating.”

 

“He lives purely off of carbohydrates and sugar, Perry. No cause for alarm.”

 

“He’s just like his mother.”

 

You laugh and shrug and mama rolls her eyes but she smiles too. 

 

* * *

 

You get to go to your favourite restaurant for dinner, and you eagerly order the largest bowl of nachos available. Nobody comments as you eat the entire thing, but your mama laughs when you look up at her with a guacamole-covered face. 

 

* * *

 

Mama comes into your room that night as you’re reading in bed. She sits on the edge and plays with the corner of your blanket. You don’t push her to speak, but you do put the book down and look at her, waiting for her to be ready. 

 

When she does speak, it’s in a small voice, one that she only uses when she’s struggling to find the words to say what she is feeling and it makes your heart break because this is you _mama_ and she may be ridiculous but she is anything but small. 

 

“She would be proud of you, you know?”

 

You immediately get out of bed and wrap her in your arms. It may be your big day, but it’s also a big day for your mama and so you let her cry on your shoulder for a while, just holding her. When the tears subside she speaks so softly that you nearly miss it. But the words were definitely there, and your heart stops. 

 

“I’ll do it.”

 

* * *

 

The day you graduate from college you sit in front of your mum’s gravestone, telling her that she doesn’t have to worry about your mama being alone anymore because you aren’t going anywhere.

 

Not for thousands of years. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> 
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